But, I caught this one that could help couples understand themselves.
Moi? I ain't the jealous type, as typecasting or stereotyping goes. So, I really don't know what it feels like to be jealous.
According to this article, you get strong feelings of jealousy perhaps because you don't have enough trust in your partner that he or she is being faithful to you. That lack of trust may be prompted by one of four factors.
- You may feel insecure about your self-worth. In these cases, either you've been raised to believe, or some part of your inner self feels, that you just don't measure up. Because you don't love yourself, you can't believe that others would love you, so you live in fear that your partner's "true" feelings will be revealed and she will leave.
- You're prone to cheating on your partner -- maybe even have done so. Knowing what you're capable of, you project that behavior onto your partner.
- You and your partner haven't yet figured out how to establish safe boundaries within the relationship. Having a tight bond is about building walls around your love with windows that allow others to be part of it -- not doors where competing lovers can walk right in and disrupt your home. Because you don't know what's permissible within the relationship and what's not, you're constantly on your toes.
- Your mate is cheating on you. Cheating doesn't have to include sex; it often has to do with making emotional connections to others outside the relationship. If your partner is sharing things about your private life with attractive members of the opposite sex, it robs a sense of intimacy from your relationship and leaves you feeling vulnerable.
I'm sure many of you out there can relate to either or all of these factors.
7 comments:
Those are valid points. In fact, it does not even have to be based purely on man-woman relationships. It also happens in friendships with the same sex.
Jealousy does come from feeling insecure about many things.
dear Eva,
Aaah. I feel so vindicated. I thought I was really paranoid and so pathologically unreasonable and suspicious.
Yes.... the fourth one seems to hit the right chord as far as I am concerned.
That is why I have an issue with trust.
SO, I do have a valid reason for feeling the way I have been feeling.
Thanks for the article, eva.
JT: Yes...indeed. I agree with you. Jealousy is an ugly thing to have.
Witch: i have been reading your postings. Man, you've got a HUGE issue with TRUST. I dont blame you. Your Antonio, i believe, loves you but he is a man, u know what i'm sayin?
he is as weak as the next guy. men are weak, sister. they can love you with all their heart and everything that's going for them, but fidelity is something so alien to them, so they get attracted to a sweetie of a gal, and they get that regular hard-on, and their balls get so stinging that they need to just lay that gal.
but in your case, antonio probably didnt have sex with that girl. But an intimate relationship, noentheless. and if i were close to you, i'd tell you to leave him. i've seen his kind, girl. they're no good. certainly youa re a 100 times more faithful to him and to the relationship.
he's just a f*#@*** b**&%#@.
sorry. the truth is really brutal.
Never been the jealous type. Heck, if you don't believe me, go ask my ex-wife.
*Puts up hands to block all those virtual brickbats and rotten tomatoes*
On one occasion, we arrived at our favorite joint. The Mrs went to the powder room while I waddled upstairs to the VIP lounge to get our usual sofas.
Mrs walked in a little later, sauntered up and sat down at our 'reserved' table, watched by two slimy dickies who were watched by me.
Much later, one of em dickies, probably egged on by his friend, walked up to our table and said to the Mrs, "You're the best looking lady here tonight"...yadda, yadda and gave her his business card. The Mrs is used to this type of attention and exchanged some 'pleasantries' with said dicky and as soon as his back was turned, passed the card to me, in full view of the other dicky.
Very much later, them dickies were 'consulting' the manager of the place and within minutes, we noticed they left in a hurry.
We bumped into them again on another night and dicky number one was rather overly diplomatic. They couldn't move away coz the Mrs and I stood beside them sharing the small bar counter section. And then, I went into 'alpha male' mode when I said to him "Would you like your card back?".
They never came again.
Hi Eva,
You got gumption woman. You say it the way it is. No mincing of words.
hey there shar hon,
hmmm...ex-wife, eh?
hmmmm.
er, what's her number, sweetie?
and what's yours?
She was quite a babe, eh?
but she was quite a woman. i like the way she handled those dickies.
and i like the way you handled them too.
aaah... relationships! aah, marriages!
so, sweetie, is there a mrs shar now?
Tony Stand-Up Philosopher: you think so? i have got into lots trouble for my mouth..
thank you, kind sir.
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